Monday, March 3, 2008

I would like to propose a movement!

Sisters and shoe lovers of the world UNITE.

Let us put our collective foot down (no pun intended) and let shoe designers and shoe manufacturers know that the shoes known as "Jellies" are unacceptable. They are ugly. They are cheesy. They are bad for the environment. They look crappy, no matter how expensive they are.

Jellies may have had a purpose back in 1985 when America was going through it's awkward phase, trying to transition out of feathered bangs and pink frosted nail polish. We wore them because, HEY! They are new and space aged and best of!

But after a week or two in the summer sun with sweat between our toes and discoloration on our heels, we realized: These shoes suck.

And yet, they keep making them!

The real question here is: Who the hell is buying them?

I haven't seen anyone wearing jellies in ages--but here they are for sale on the internet. This leads me to believe that some closeted jelly-lovers are ordering jellies in bulk and having them delivered to their homes like porn or sex toys, sequestering them away from judgmental eyes and praying for a revival in Molly Ringwald's career.

Is this you?

If so, you must know that we--your community of sole sisters--are here for you. Bring out your jellies, confess your sins, and join us in the resistance. We're here for you.